My mathematical mind kicked in this week. I was 19 when I married Ruth. I am now 57. This means I have been married to her for two-thirds of my life. The first third was lived out in black and white, these last two-thirds in technicolor.
My Grandpa Marshall died 29 years ago today. He was my emotional soul-mate. He and I were very much alike in our outlooks on life. I still miss him. It’s hard to believe he’s been gone more than half of my life. He influenced me greatly.
I spoke to 25 students last night at the Baptist Student Center on the Missouri State University campus. Want to guess my assigned topic? Right. Missions. I enjoyed every second of it. I spoke and answered questions. I loved the banter. At the end, I participated with the students in a time of footwashing.
More Jake bio info. After Caleb’s aunt’s friend had kept Jake four months, she felt she would have to give him away. Caleb’s aunt took him and kept him a year. He was an indoor dog at the time (never again!!).
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ben and LCR
Ben Pilgreen and I spent the last two days in sunny southern Florida at the annual Large Church Roundtable meeting. It is my favorite Pastor meeting of the year. About 20 of us Pastors sit in a large circle and talk about church finances, staff relationships, denominational issues, what’s working, what’s not working, what’s trendy, what’s here to stay, etc. No agenda, just nuts and bolts stuff about getting the ministry done right. On and on it goes from noon Monday till noon Tuesday.
Richard Harman, my blog comedy researcher, is on the mend. He is now at home. Thus, he is able to return to what he does well, finding funnies for this blog.
Would anyone like to guess what my desk looks like? I have two desks. Both look like mayhem has invaded my life. Maybe the top of a desk does say something about its owner.
Humor helps. Jake’s bio. Jake’s ancestry is a duke’s mixture. He was found on the street by a friend of Caleb’s Aunt Deidre. He had probably been abused, because at the time he was terrified at sticks and people. The friend nursed him, kept him, and took good care of him for four months.
Richard Harman, my blog comedy researcher, is on the mend. He is now at home. Thus, he is able to return to what he does well, finding funnies for this blog.
Would anyone like to guess what my desk looks like? I have two desks. Both look like mayhem has invaded my life. Maybe the top of a desk does say something about its owner.
Humor helps. Jake’s bio. Jake’s ancestry is a duke’s mixture. He was found on the street by a friend of Caleb’s Aunt Deidre. He had probably been abused, because at the time he was terrified at sticks and people. The friend nursed him, kept him, and took good care of him for four months.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nathan Addy Williams
Happy Real Birthday, President Washington.
Last night the two TV commercials Second had done for August 24 won Addy Awards. Our contract is with ADSmith, a local advertising firm. My son-in-law, Nathan Williams, works for them. The ads for Second were assigned to him (surprise!). Overall, Nathan won 10 Addy Awards last night. That makes 22 in 3 years. He has earned Addy Awards for video work, graphic design, and web design. Can you tell I’m proud of him? Way to go, Nathan.
Richard Harman, who researches and supplies the lion’s share of the humor I use on this blog, is in Cox South Hospital with pneumonia. Agent Orange in Viet Nam left its mark on him. Get well, Richard. Cyberspace misses you. I do too, friend.
Humor helps. Parental notes. Excuse Betsy’s absence; she was sick and I had her shot. Joseph has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. My son is under doctor’s care and should not take fisical education; please execute him. Ralph was absent from school because he had very loose vowels.
Last night the two TV commercials Second had done for August 24 won Addy Awards. Our contract is with ADSmith, a local advertising firm. My son-in-law, Nathan Williams, works for them. The ads for Second were assigned to him (surprise!). Overall, Nathan won 10 Addy Awards last night. That makes 22 in 3 years. He has earned Addy Awards for video work, graphic design, and web design. Can you tell I’m proud of him? Way to go, Nathan.
Richard Harman, who researches and supplies the lion’s share of the humor I use on this blog, is in Cox South Hospital with pneumonia. Agent Orange in Viet Nam left its mark on him. Get well, Richard. Cyberspace misses you. I do too, friend.
Humor helps. Parental notes. Excuse Betsy’s absence; she was sick and I had her shot. Joseph has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. My son is under doctor’s care and should not take fisical education; please execute him. Ralph was absent from school because he had very loose vowels.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Alabama, Stop Praying
Snow again??! What’s the deal? This morning we awoke to another surprise blanket of snow on the ground. Conspirators lurk among us. Alabamans have moved among us and during the night they pray for snow to fall because they haven’t seen it much and think it is pretty. Cut it out! Enough snow already.
Last night Caleb and I watched a couple of episodes about Lincoln on the History Channel. This month marks the two hundredth anniversary of Lincoln’s birth. I need to dust off my notes and preach another sermon or two based on Lincoln.
Tomorrow I preach on prayer. The Canaanite woman’s faith was great. We learn from her. Pray for me today as I familiarize myself fully with my manuscript.
Final bio thoughts on Millie. When she escaped her Marshfield home, she often went across the street to the grocery store. On her first visit there, she went in, walked straight to the Deli, and sat down, as if waiting to order. The workers bribed her out of the store by offering her meat. Pretty smart. A free meal.
Last night Caleb and I watched a couple of episodes about Lincoln on the History Channel. This month marks the two hundredth anniversary of Lincoln’s birth. I need to dust off my notes and preach another sermon or two based on Lincoln.
Tomorrow I preach on prayer. The Canaanite woman’s faith was great. We learn from her. Pray for me today as I familiarize myself fully with my manuscript.
Final bio thoughts on Millie. When she escaped her Marshfield home, she often went across the street to the grocery store. On her first visit there, she went in, walked straight to the Deli, and sat down, as if waiting to order. The workers bribed her out of the store by offering her meat. Pretty smart. A free meal.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A Wonderful Day
A wonderful day off. At 6:30 a.m. I emailed Rebekah reminding her every day is a good day (she broke her neck 14 years ago today in a car wreck). Took John and Caleb to breakfast at McDonalds. Took Caleb and Ian to school. Picked up Ruth and Lilly Ruth. Ruth shopped at Aldi’s (whose owner, by the way, is one of the richest men in the world) while Lilly Ruth and I enjoyed strolling at Bass Pro Shops.
Ruth brought Ian from school, retrieved Lilly Ruth and me, and the four of us went to McDonalds (or as Ian calls it, “Old McDonalds”–as in the famous song about the farm). His toy treat was a watch. He put it on, stared at it a moment and then said very dramatically, “Grandpa, it’s time to eat again.” He looked at it again and said very seriously, “Grandpa, it’s time to watch a video.” Caleb came home from school sick. I took Ruth home to take care of him. Took Ian and Lilly Ruth home.
Bought Ruth’s birthday and Valentines Day gift. It’s a new cell phone. She was giddy. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to make her happy. Took Caleb, though sick, to an orthodontist appointment. Ruth and Caleb worked on a science fair project tonight. I took Sam out for a while. We went to watch Nathan and Ian play bowling on the Wii. Sam enjoys watching that. Came home. Went to bed feeling I had just finished a wonderful day filled with stuff that mattered.
Ruth brought Ian from school, retrieved Lilly Ruth and me, and the four of us went to McDonalds (or as Ian calls it, “Old McDonalds”–as in the famous song about the farm). His toy treat was a watch. He put it on, stared at it a moment and then said very dramatically, “Grandpa, it’s time to eat again.” He looked at it again and said very seriously, “Grandpa, it’s time to watch a video.” Caleb came home from school sick. I took Ruth home to take care of him. Took Ian and Lilly Ruth home.
Bought Ruth’s birthday and Valentines Day gift. It’s a new cell phone. She was giddy. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to make her happy. Took Caleb, though sick, to an orthodontist appointment. Ruth and Caleb worked on a science fair project tonight. I took Sam out for a while. We went to watch Nathan and Ian play bowling on the Wii. Sam enjoys watching that. Came home. Went to bed feeling I had just finished a wonderful day filled with stuff that mattered.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Overnighter
Yesterday Ruth and I took advantage of our church’s Family Night at Home, and slipped away for an overnighter. We ate out twice, watched a movie and TV, read, and enjoyed being together. I even found time to write out a sermon.
We had a wonderful time, except I did feel the need to talk with her about the fact she seems to be laughing less at my jokes these days. I know she’s heard most of them often, and I know I have little variety in my style of humor, but still, I have always appreciated the fact Ruth laughed when I tried to be funny.
This is especially important to me because I like to humor myself by thinking I might want to be a stand-up comic after I retire from the Pastorate. She said she was not aware of laughing less, but when I tried to make a joke out of it, she did not laugh. I rest my case.
More bio info on Millie. She has white chow fur, which is soft. She has always had hip arthritis, but has never let that keep her from running off a lot. In fact, Caleb says she has always been the ultimate road-tripper. He said she would be gone so much that he thought she was touring the state. Their fence was rusted and had lots of holes in it. To Millie, these were her ticket to adventure.
We had a wonderful time, except I did feel the need to talk with her about the fact she seems to be laughing less at my jokes these days. I know she’s heard most of them often, and I know I have little variety in my style of humor, but still, I have always appreciated the fact Ruth laughed when I tried to be funny.
This is especially important to me because I like to humor myself by thinking I might want to be a stand-up comic after I retire from the Pastorate. She said she was not aware of laughing less, but when I tried to make a joke out of it, she did not laugh. I rest my case.
More bio info on Millie. She has white chow fur, which is soft. She has always had hip arthritis, but has never let that keep her from running off a lot. In fact, Caleb says she has always been the ultimate road-tripper. He said she would be gone so much that he thought she was touring the state. Their fence was rusted and had lots of holes in it. To Millie, these were her ticket to adventure.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Better
I’m better today. I coughed all night, but the congestion and stuffed-up head feeling is gone. I’m taking Mucinex today, hoping it will help slow down nose drainage.
I will preach tomorrow. Thank you, Lord. When a Sunday goes by without my having a chance to preach, it’s a sad day. My whole philosophy of ministry is, clear off a spot and let me preach.
Last night we celebrated Ruth’s birthday. She shares Lincoln’s birthday. Today is Valentines Day. There’s no doubt about who has been my Valentine for the last 38 years. Five weeks before we married, Ruth gave me a Valentines Day gift I still have. It was a little box which, when opened, had a heart that vibrated. She still makes my heart flutter.
Humor helps. Parent bloopers. Excuse Freddie’s absence; he had the fuel (I hope he didn’t have a match). Please accuse Michael from being absent; he was aleing (underage drinking). George was absent yesterday due to a sore trout (poor fish).
I will preach tomorrow. Thank you, Lord. When a Sunday goes by without my having a chance to preach, it’s a sad day. My whole philosophy of ministry is, clear off a spot and let me preach.
Last night we celebrated Ruth’s birthday. She shares Lincoln’s birthday. Today is Valentines Day. There’s no doubt about who has been my Valentine for the last 38 years. Five weeks before we married, Ruth gave me a Valentines Day gift I still have. It was a little box which, when opened, had a heart that vibrated. She still makes my heart flutter.
Humor helps. Parent bloopers. Excuse Freddie’s absence; he had the fuel (I hope he didn’t have a match). Please accuse Michael from being absent; he was aleing (underage drinking). George was absent yesterday due to a sore trout (poor fish).
Friday, February 13, 2009
Sick
Despite three days on Zithromax, I’m still sick. Head cold. Nasal trouble. Hacking cough. You know the drill. This is my first day back at the office since Monday. I may not stay long. We’ll see how I do.
Good news; bad news. Good: I’m better. Bad: I’m still sick. Good: I can hear out of my right ear. Bad: left ear is stone deaf. Good: God is teaching me a lesson. Bad: I don’t have a clue as to what it is.
Good news; bad news. Good: I’m better. Bad: I’m still sick. Good: I can hear out of my right ear. Bad: left ear is stone deaf. Good: God is teaching me a lesson. Bad: I don’t have a clue as to what it is.
Monday, February 9, 2009
First Baptist Arnold
It’s good to be home. I missed being at Second yesterday, but did enjoy preaching for my good friends, Kenny Qualls and Gerald Davidson, at First Baptist Arnold. It was Rebekah’s birthday weekend. We made it a family outing in St. Louis. On Saturday night, we all ate supper at Mom and Dad’s. My brother and my sister’s family came. Sunday at noon, we all ate at my cousin Paul Hill’s house. He is a deacon at FBCA. Kenny and Gerald also came for lunch. It was a good weekend.
As you would expect, I have Grandpa stories to share. Ian kept singing “Rudolph the red-nosed Santa.” He said something Ruth and I did not hear. When we asked him to repeat it, he told us we needed to take medicine to help our hearing.
Ian kept asking, “Are we here yet?” Not there, but here. At one point I asked if he was okay. He said, “I’m hot because I want to get out and see if we are here.”
Humor helps. Since I have become known as a dog expert, my sister felt compelled to tell me about an English bulldog she recently baby-sat (or dog-sat?). This dog would waddle up to her and throw his paw in the air to give her a high five. I was impressed until I learned the dog cost $5000. For that kind of money it ought to be able to cook, sing and dance, do dishes, carry out the laundry, etc.
As you would expect, I have Grandpa stories to share. Ian kept singing “Rudolph the red-nosed Santa.” He said something Ruth and I did not hear. When we asked him to repeat it, he told us we needed to take medicine to help our hearing.
Ian kept asking, “Are we here yet?” Not there, but here. At one point I asked if he was okay. He said, “I’m hot because I want to get out and see if we are here.”
Humor helps. Since I have become known as a dog expert, my sister felt compelled to tell me about an English bulldog she recently baby-sat (or dog-sat?). This dog would waddle up to her and throw his paw in the air to give her a high five. I was impressed until I learned the dog cost $5000. For that kind of money it ought to be able to cook, sing and dance, do dishes, carry out the laundry, etc.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Football Roosters
Today is Rebekah’s birthday. I remember the event well. I almost lost my dear wife that day, but I later came home with my two precious ladies okay. God smiled on me through a good doctor, who died days later trying to cut down a tree.
Barron Hagerman and Betsy Shock will wed tonight. She’s one of two vocalists in our 11:00 praise band. Barron helps on the media deck and contributes to running our computers. I’m not a matchmaker, but I did long encourage Barron to ask Betsy out. I’m glad he came to his senses in time.
I enjoyed preaching in South Carolina. I have now preached out there several times. Each time I have been well received. Go Gamecocks!! I wonder who thought of naming a team for a rooster?
Humor helps. I saw something pitiful today. Jake was sitting outside the new gate, peering longingly at the back door. Sad. I may need to buy him a Wiggly Giggly Toy ($14), whatever that is, or maybe a Bar-B-Chew ($7), which tastes like they’re hot off the grill, or maybe a skunk stuffing toy which has squeakers in the head and tail ($6). Or maybe I’ll talk to Ruth and see if she feels guilty about keeping the dogs off the back deck. I’m not optimistic about the outcome of this.
Barron Hagerman and Betsy Shock will wed tonight. She’s one of two vocalists in our 11:00 praise band. Barron helps on the media deck and contributes to running our computers. I’m not a matchmaker, but I did long encourage Barron to ask Betsy out. I’m glad he came to his senses in time.
I enjoyed preaching in South Carolina. I have now preached out there several times. Each time I have been well received. Go Gamecocks!! I wonder who thought of naming a team for a rooster?
Humor helps. I saw something pitiful today. Jake was sitting outside the new gate, peering longingly at the back door. Sad. I may need to buy him a Wiggly Giggly Toy ($14), whatever that is, or maybe a Bar-B-Chew ($7), which tastes like they’re hot off the grill, or maybe a skunk stuffing toy which has squeakers in the head and tail ($6). Or maybe I’ll talk to Ruth and see if she feels guilty about keeping the dogs off the back deck. I’m not optimistic about the outcome of this.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Call me Phil 3:16
Remember all the fuss I made about Punxsutawney Phil trumping Phil Roethlisberger? My bad. Major gaff. Roethlisberger is a Ben, not a Phil. Oh well, it still made for an interesting blog.
Dr. David Tolliver is the new Executive Director for our Missouri Baptist Convention. The Executive Board called him yesterday on a 44-4 secret ballot vote. It was an honor to serve on the search committee. Congratulations to David and Myra.
Tonight I am preaching on missions. Tomorrow I will be cloistered preparing sermons. Pray for me today and tomorrow. Thank you.
Humor helps. Pilot/mechanic interchanges. Number 3 engine missing; Engine found on right wing after brief search. Aircraft handles funny; Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Target radar hums; Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Mouse in cockpit; Cat installed. Noise under panel sounds like someone pounding on something with a hammer; Took hammer away.
Dr. David Tolliver is the new Executive Director for our Missouri Baptist Convention. The Executive Board called him yesterday on a 44-4 secret ballot vote. It was an honor to serve on the search committee. Congratulations to David and Myra.
Tonight I am preaching on missions. Tomorrow I will be cloistered preparing sermons. Pray for me today and tomorrow. Thank you.
Humor helps. Pilot/mechanic interchanges. Number 3 engine missing; Engine found on right wing after brief search. Aircraft handles funny; Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Target radar hums; Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Mouse in cockpit; Cat installed. Noise under panel sounds like someone pounding on something with a hammer; Took hammer away.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Phil and Phil
Yesterday, the Super Bowl, which is usually a bit boring, was about as exciting as it can get. My hero Kurt Warner fell a little short of winning, but oh my what a game. Don’t you love cliffhangers?
Phil Roethlisberger, quarterback for the winning Pittsburgh Steelers team, was Pennsylvania’s most famous Phil for only about twelve hours. Punxsutawney Phil trumped him this morning. The famous groundhog saw his shadow. Bad news. Six more weeks of Winter.
How in the world did we get such a ridiculous holiday as groundhog day anyway? Wikipedia says it can be traced back to at least the 1700s as part of German weather lore. This answer doesn’t satisfy me. Surely there’s more to this than meets the eye. Pardon the pun, Phil.
Humor helps. Pilot/mechanic talk. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear; Evidence removed. DME volume unbelievably loud; DME volume set to more believable level. IFF inoperable in OFF mode; IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Suspected crack in windshield; Suspect you’re right.
Phil Roethlisberger, quarterback for the winning Pittsburgh Steelers team, was Pennsylvania’s most famous Phil for only about twelve hours. Punxsutawney Phil trumped him this morning. The famous groundhog saw his shadow. Bad news. Six more weeks of Winter.
How in the world did we get such a ridiculous holiday as groundhog day anyway? Wikipedia says it can be traced back to at least the 1700s as part of German weather lore. This answer doesn’t satisfy me. Surely there’s more to this than meets the eye. Pardon the pun, Phil.
Humor helps. Pilot/mechanic talk. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear; Evidence removed. DME volume unbelievably loud; DME volume set to more believable level. IFF inoperable in OFF mode; IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Suspected crack in windshield; Suspect you’re right.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Skunked
D-Day. Today marks the end of our race to 200. John and I considered various ways we could end this contest. We thought maybe a weigh-off in the middle of a worship service would be interesting. Another possibility was to sell the TV rights and let it be shown at half-time of the Super Bowl.
In the end, humility carried the day. We decided to end our competition quietly at home, away from the press and cameras. Drum-roll please. Here are the final numbers: John 197, me 213. I got skunked. Slam dunked. Smoked. Ten-run rule. Humiliated. I haven’t lost a competition this bad since my basketball days in high school.
Now the question that matters. How did he do it? Several ways. Starve. Mount the treadmill at 5 a.m. and walk 4 to 6 miles on it. Starve. Lift weights. Starve. Eat a light breakfast and lunch; skip supper. Starve. Go to bed hungry each night. Starve. I think you get the picture.
Way to go, John. I’m proud of you.
In the end, humility carried the day. We decided to end our competition quietly at home, away from the press and cameras. Drum-roll please. Here are the final numbers: John 197, me 213. I got skunked. Slam dunked. Smoked. Ten-run rule. Humiliated. I haven’t lost a competition this bad since my basketball days in high school.
Now the question that matters. How did he do it? Several ways. Starve. Mount the treadmill at 5 a.m. and walk 4 to 6 miles on it. Starve. Lift weights. Starve. Eat a light breakfast and lunch; skip supper. Starve. Go to bed hungry each night. Starve. I think you get the picture.
Way to go, John. I’m proud of you.
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